Another Blonde joke, it's OK, I'm Blonde

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.




"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?

I LOVE THIS ONE...........




She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"




FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN

Wednesday Laugh

I'm a dog person, because I'm deathly allergic to cats, but I thought this was hilarious. Watch until the very end!

Hump Day Humor - Blondes

This is from my Cousin Christine, who is a blonde, too. Who says blondes can't laugh at themselves.

Blonde Cookbook

It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday

Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a 'peel and win' sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, 'I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!'

The waitress says, 'That's impossible.

The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?'

But the blonde keeps on screaming,

'I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says,

'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.

You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!'

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...

(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)

'W I N A B A G E L'

Hump Day Humor

A video, this time. Be sure to watch, past the skateboarders.

Hump Day Humor

From my friend Angela:

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered,

"Well, today I didn't do it."

photo by EmilyAnn

Hump Day Humor

This video isn't a joke, but it did bring a smile to my face, and I giggled, too. I hope you get the same results when you watch it. A big plus, you get to listen to Alison Krausse.

Hump Day Humor

From an email:

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best Dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

I don't think this is the dress in question, but some one very talented made it. Photo by Alex Balloon Boy

Hump Day Humor

Photo, uncredited, was attached to an email.


An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell
from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was
well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside
and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who
the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware
that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to
his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 -
he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

Hump Day Humor

This is one of those dripping sweet email jokes we get all the time. I thought the photos in this one were very good. The real punch line is at the bottom. Such a GREAT use of the tax dollars of the residents of Oregon.

1.)Brush twice a day!

2.)Dress right for the weather.

3.)Visit the dentist regularly.

4.)Get plenty of rest.

5.)Make sure your hair is dry before going outside.

6.)Eat right.

7.)Get outside in the sun every once in a while.

8.)Always wear a seatbelt.

9.)Control your drinking of alcoholic beverages.

10.)Smile! It will make you feel better.

11.)Don't over indulge yourself.

12.)Bathe regularly.

13.) Read to exercise the brain.

14.)Surround yourself with friends.

15.)Stay away from too much caffeine.

16.)Use the bathroom regularly.

17.)Get plenty of exercise.

18.)Have your eyes checked regularly.

19.)Eat plenty of vegetables.

20.)Believe that people will like you for who you are.

21.)Forgive and forget.

22.)Take plenty of vacations.

23.)Celebrate all special occasions.

24.) Pick up a hobby.

25.)Love your neighbor as yourself.

Do all these things and you will be a happier, healthier person!

This e-mail is a public record of the City of Beaverton and is subject to public disclosure unless exempt from disclosure under Oregon Public Records Law.