Emails from my Cousins

From Cousin Christine:

Resimay

Deer Mam,I waunt to apply for the reporter job what I saw in the paper.

I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person,

Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

Certain men and all the ladies.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a reporter but it musent be to complicaited

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.

My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can start imeditely.

Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. hopifuly

Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,BRYAN

nikname BeefyPS :

Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

Dear Beefy-I mean Bryan ,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check. You're hired.

From Cousin Wayne:

This is a video of one of the homeless in Santa Barbara and his pets. They work State Street every week for donations. The animals are pretty well fed and are mellow. They are a family. The man who owns them rigged a harness up for his cat so she wouldn't have to walk so much (like the dog and himself). At some juncture the rat came along, and so no one wanted to eat anyone else, the rat started riding with the cat and often, on the cat. The dog will stand all day and let you talk to him and admire him for a few chin scratches. The mayor of Santa Barbara filmed this clip and sent it out as a Christmas card.





From Cousin Bob:

Reagan's Last Words

I don't know whether or not you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan , but if you did, you probably noticed that Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.

President Ronald Reagan, who never missed a chance for a good one-liner, raised his head out of his casket and said...


"I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together."

From Cousin Wayne:

TELL IT TO THE JUDGE:
Police in Manchester, N.H., were investigating an accident. The driver admitted he had been drinking at a local gay bar, gotten into his car, and then rear-ended another vehicle. "He had a difficult time locating his license in his purse," said the arresting officer.

The driver, who allegedly wore a cocktail dress with fishnet stockings and high heels, was Boston, Mass., U.S. Bankruptcy Court Judge Robert Somma, 63.
Police say a breath test found his blood alcohol level was .12 percent, 1.5 times the legal limit.

Somma told officers he had driven up to New Hampshire when his wife was out of town because no one there knew him. He pleaded no contest to driving while intoxicated.

Somma was appointed to the bench three years ago by President George W. Bush, and has resigned. (New Hampshire Union Leader) (The photo is mine.)







...Hard: walking a straight line while drunk.
...Harder: doing it in high heels.
...Hardest: telling his wife they were hers.